October 25, 2006...20:00 pm

Listen Up! This is the recipe for a caesar salad:

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This isn’t really that hard, is it? I mean, a caesar salad only has four flippin’ ingredients. Why hasn’t this dawned on most of the United States? I know it’s said that our education system is failing, but it really must be in freefall. So, here we are, a PSA from Blipey to the culinarily challenged:

1. Romaine Lettuce (I’m not that picky, hearts, heads, leaf…whatever, I don’t care as long as it’s romaine)

2. Parmasean Cheese (shaved, grated, julienned, whatever)

3. Crutons (herbed, plain, cheesy, again whatever)

4. Caesar Dressing (just caesar, only caesar, make it…caesar)

If you’d like to see this fall apart in a completely hilarious manner, go toyour local Burger King and order a TenderCrisp Chicken Caesar Salad.

I’d learned the humor of this situation this past spring on my tour of The Diary of Anne Frank. It was, however, today taken to new extremes. First off, let me say that I think the Burger King salad is a pretty good fast food salad: tomato, carrot, cucumber, good quality lettuce, decent chicken, good crutons. (Notice that several of these things aren’t in the above recipe.) However, try telling the counter person the following, “I’d like a caesar salad.” You would think that at the very least anyone’s definition of caesar salad would include the appropriate dressing.

However, you will get this response–100% of the time–”What dressing would you like with that?” Hmmmm.

Now, today, this is the conversation I had:

“I’d like a TenderCrisp Caesar Salad.”

“What dressing would you like on that?”

“Uh, caesar.”

“We don’t have that.”

“%&!* &%#$*@”

Why would you ask what dressing I want on a…if you don’t….ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course these are the same places that have 3 sizes of drinks: medium, large, and xtra-large. Go figure.

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